I hope you’re selfish today, tomorrow and maybe always. I hope that each day you wake up and choose yourself over just about everything and everyone else. You are important enough to give yourself that kind of love, focus and attention. You deserve to wholeheartedly choose yourself over and over again each day. You owe yourself the love you give to those around you.
You see, for most of my life I was living to please those around me. I tip toed around to make sure that no one was mad at me. I made decisions that I didn’t necessarily like because I knew that it wouldn’t let down or inconvenience others. I lived to make my parents proud(which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, don’t get me wrong). But I put so much pressure on myself to ensure that everything was happy and everyone else was happy that I was kind of miserable half the time. My anxiety was through the roof when I was doing this. I would tell myself that making those kinds of sacrifices were worth it because everyone else around me was happy and that is what matters.
As I got older I started to learn that there were truly times that I needed to choose myself over other people and things. It was such an important journey of realizing who I was, who I wanted to be and what my values truly are. I think it is so easy to get caught up in our day to day that we don’t slow down to think about what we are doing for ourselves and our own goals and values. If your mindset is consumed with other people, what they have, if they are happy, what they are doing, what works for them, their newest thing, etc. Then we can’t expect to grow ourselves. It is truly about shifting your mindset inwards, towards yourself.
There are a couple action steps that I took as I began wanting to put myself first more and become a little selfish:
- Write out your values.
- By values I mean what you need to be in order to become who you want to be. While listing these out I realized that I was striving high with a lot of values, like a lot. So I decided to narrow my list again to just 10. My values include- loyalty, creativity, consistency, commitment, positivity, motivation, compassion, overall health(mental and physical), service to others and education.
- I believe this step is important because it is a reminder of who you are and who you need to show up as everyday. Your choices and actions should align with your values, ideally, and if you know you true values it is easier to show up with them each day. Obviously no one is perfect and things happen, sometimes we all do things and make choices that go against our values. We’re human. But progress is progress.
- Write out your priorities.
- Your priorities are different from your values in that your priorities are specific things that are important to your lifestyle and the way you want to live your life. In choosing my priorities I thought about what all I wanted to consume my time. Time is valuable and important. The way you spend it is crucial to who you are and who you want to be.
- My priorities have recently shifted a TON. This was the piece that I was personally lacking. I let my priorities go when I felt the need to please everyone else around me. So I was missing out completely on my own priorities. No wonder I felt lost, out of touch with myself and like I was just going through the motions everyday.
- My priorities now include- my family, my physical health, my mental health, my friendships, learning/personal growth, my business, my blog, my money and my education.
After I wrote both of these out, I put them together. This is now how I choose to live my life. By upholding my values to the best of my ability each day and by choosing which priority I will spend my time cultivating throughout the day. These are the things that are important to me and I am proud of myself for learning to be selfish in this way. It is freeing to realize that by being selfish in this way, you are actually being a better person.
There is that old saying, you can’t pour from an empty cup. And it is SO true. You cannot pour from an empty cup. It is also exhausting to completely empty your cup and THEN fill it all the way back up. Instead if you realize you lost a bit of volume in your cup, go ahead and refill that bit as soon as you can. That way you don’t have to feel too empty. Be selfish and fill your cup up as you go.
I hope you go out today and be selfish. I hope you choose you and who you want to become over anything and anyone else. You deserve that choice and the people that are meant to be in your life will understand your need to be a little selfish. If they don’t, that is alright. A self growth journey can be something that brings new people in and lets go of others. Choosing yourself will be worth so much more in the end.
All the love,